Preparing

Part of letting go for me is about the actual letting go, and then part of it is about the "to do what?" dilemma. So I know that I'm venturing out into something bigger...that I'm already on that path, even. But strangely, I feel like I am avoiding the eyes (and everything else, for that matter) of the guy I have a crush on, even though I WANT to say hi, hang out, and talk about music, etc. I know that I will be working on the B&B, and the upgrades will be awesome...and yet I am also preparing for the inevitable downtime that the hospitality business has in the summer, in Seattle. So I turn my focus to other ventures like editing, helping out at B Fuller's Mortar & Pestle, and any other freelance/temporary work. But I've barely even prepared for the time I have legitimately to work on Synergy B&B.

I'm always trying to be 2-3 steps ahead of myself (and everyone else). I'm afraid that if I really spend all my time planning the upgrades, working on marketing, and handing out cards, when it doesn't work (nice attitude!), I'll be tired, unemployed, and quickly broke.

I don't raise my son that way, though.

I give him the full blast, as often as I can. Sometimes it's not very awesome-looking...but it's always the best I can do at the time. I'm used to that with him. I play hard. I attempt more cooking for him. I prepare and I live in the moment, together...

So why is this different? Well, K is a little person. Who talks, walks, eats, poops, etc. And the house, probably to its dismay, can get pushed aside (horrible, I know) more easily. Granted, when a furnace goes out, or a pipe bursts, then I pay attention, but otherwise I carry on.

I guess I can prepare, let go, and live in the moment. There is a delicate balance to all of those, which is how I probably live my life anyway. I can't prepare for something I don't know about (will the B&B business grow?), but I can definitely put time, energy and love into my updates.

And letting go is just that. It's saying a goodbye and looking ahead to what will come.