Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Being in charge

So mostly I blog about parenthood. Letting go of things BECAUSE of parenthood. Mostly.

And now, I am sitting here home alone while K is with his grandparents, and I'm staring at unpaid bills, unemployment letters, debt collection correspondence, and enticing credit card offers. Hubby is at work and I'm feeling pretty lonely about life.

I have a lot of interests and I'm wondering which ones to pursue.

I work intuitively with homes, I own a seasonal B&B, I write, I love to speak publicly, I used to be an administrative assistant, and now I am faced with the choice to take charge of my life and earn my own income directly.

It's easy to be in charge of a little person's life. Simple tasks: eat, sleep, change diapers, put on clothes, put toys away, take toys out, listen to "birdies," visit with family members, etc. I can manage those things pretty well now.

But what about taking charge of my own life? What about choosing the scary, unknown thing over the thing that doesn't pay enough but is "comfortable?"

What I am learning about parenting is that there are some things I can easily be in charge of and other things that are basically out of my control. I get out of balance when I want to control things I can't, or I don't take charge of things I can. I can apply the same fluidity to my life, as I try to apply to my parenting. It's not a perfect balance most of the time since I'm still learning and my little one is still pretty small. But I know that when he wakes up from a nap, he's always hungry, so I can have food ready. I can take charge in that way.

What are the ways I can take charge of my work life? I can spend more time doing what I enjoy AND what I'm good at. I'm a good writer, I'm a great coach, I co-run a kickin' B&B. I can't control who comes to me or requests my services, but I can keep improving, I can keep sharing, and I can keep doing what I love. See how that works?

I have to remind myself of this stuff daily. I need to constantly engage the parts of me that work, that feel good, that are harmonious. Just like interacting with my child! When things are tough or he gets stuck on something, I have tactics to move him onto the next thing. Or I have an intuitive feeling about dealing with the current thing so that we can move on later. If he's cranky then I know what 2-3 things we can do to work with that. Same goes for me. When I am stuck on something I need to know the right tactics to be able to move myself onto something else.

That's what being in charge means to me. It doesn't mean try to control everything, it means choosing how I can move myself along in my life and letting go of what I can't actually control. Knowing I have that power is pretty awesome.

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