Tuesday, June 14, 2022

Letting go of normal

When I stopped trying to make my kid "normal" or even mask as normal, life greatly improved for all of us.
We're not normal (cause normal is a construct, made up of statistical averages and not actual people!) and our charm and lovability does not rely on acceptable behavior.
There is no stigma to our neurodivergent behavior. We are just figuring out how to meet needs in our house. And we are frank about needs.
Lots of experts want to tell you how certain kinds of kids need certain things and honestly, the thing I needed to tell myself is that I do what works for us, regardless of expert opinion. I ask questions, I listen to my intuition, and I am honest with my kiddo (he's 9, so it's age appropriate for his ability).

Non-coercive parenting (called a few different things these days) is hard, culturally. It is COMMON and ACCEPTABLE to want to mold our children into who we want them to be (usually out of fear) but it can also be SO harmful and traumatizing.
I could write a whole book about my experience, but when I met my kid where HE was at, not where people told me he should be, life improved dramatically.

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Kalev

Kalev
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