Monday, August 19, 2013

Crap. Letting go is really hard

I know, the title doesn't make you want to read it.

I can't promise that this will be an uplifting post, but if you like honesty, then keep reading.

As you've probably been gathering from my other posts, the whole reason I started this blog and named it "Mama Lets Go" is because this is a key point (read: recurring) in my life, that has been heightened by my entering motherhood.

This past week, my letting go has been harsh. We were robbed and our computers, TV, camera and other things were stolen.

I don't care about the stuff itself...but I had pictures on those computers. I had records of my time with J in Italy, Germany, our house remodels, our fun times before baby and all my labor pics were on those computers. Ugh. Talk about the heaviness of loss. I'm sentimental to a degree, but I guess I have always loved having pics to go through. And they are GONE.

I'm sick to my stomach thinking about it. My MO these days is to carry on and not hangout in the sadness and mourning of that loss. That shit is hard not to do. Several friends have offered pics and I am thankful. But I guess the letting go is something lies in what things represent. It's also about listening to my intuition about backing things up, saving the images off site, etc. UGH.

I have nothing profound to say about all of this. I'm not there yet. But I have learned several lessons. I have learned about what's important to me (PICTURES! RECORDED MEMORIES!), and I have learned that I get clear messages and I should heed those messages. I am rarely that surprised about what happens to me...Most of the time, I had several thoughts about what might happen before it does and I choose my actions after those "hunches." My intuition is really good. *Really* good. I should trust it more. And it gives me really helpful/clear hints, tips, ideas, and actions. I'll write on that later.

I still cry when I think about the pictures, about years of time and photos I can't show K and I can't reminisce through when I get older. I know time will heal. I'm open to it.

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