Okay, two posts on being "bigger" but what about the details?
I know how I am now:
1) I'm not satisfied at work
2) I am not interacting with people the way I want
3) My business is not a reflection of the amazingness of my world
4) I am not the way I want to be in my marriage
5) I don't dress the way I feel about myself
6) My enthusiasm is not shared
7) My generosity is not shared
8) My creativity is not shared to its full extent
That's all I need to dwell on for now. All of those things are ways that I limit myself in the world. Feels weird to admit any of that, but in all honesty, if I don't admit it, then it doesn't change (see Step 1 in the Big Book). And when I feel less sneaky, then I can get to shifting...sneakiness takes a lot of energy, doesn't it?
So that's what I see at the moment. And I'm looking into how those can and will shift as I transition.
1) Move to doing work that expresses my love for the world
2) Being honest and compassionate, showing up when I can and being honest when I can't (and not going to shame or guilt about it)
3) Creating a business structure that speaks to who I am, that serves others, and that brings in the Spirit that is ever-present in my life
4) Move beyond mere maintenance into goal setting and ideals...we are over the hump of crazy new baby life and I need to put more effort into our marriage...especially because I LOVE being married!
5) This is an easy fix. Several friends want to help and have ideas. I can dress better AND it can reflect my style.
6) I do not share my enthusiasm because it's intense. That's just silly. Intensity isn't bad. Why do I think that?
7) I am not generous because I worry about there not being enough. Also silly. And NOT TRUE.
8) I am really creative. I am artistic. I suppress this because it's not "lucrative" or fruitful. Also, I have perfectionistic fears of wasting things. This limits how I see the world and how I share it. Again, pretty silly.
So stay tuned. I will have a lot of time coming up to work on these things. I'm open to feedback, too.