A long time ago, when I was a Virgo, and did my Virgo things, I "planned" to have a baby. I planned the conversations hubby and I would have about planning. I planned the gender of the child, the activities, the languages he/she would speak. I planned the names, the toys, the family trips. I wanted to be a mom since I was introduced to my little brother. I've been planning for a while.
I have books, I grilled moms, I went to baby stores and first dates included phrases like "If I get pregnant, I am keeping the baby." I tried not to be angry at moms who complained they were tired, hungry, covered in goo, ignored, taken for granted and all the other stuff I heard those moms (and dads) say.
And after all that planning, which went out the window when I first got pregnant (and miscarried), I am a mom. At last!
It's been nothing short of the craziest ride imaginable. And if you know me (or worse, if you live with me), I have been complaining a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I became one of those moms! If you isolated my history and all it took to get me HERE, then you MIGHT want to say (but really, don't say it), "Hey, you got your baby, quit complaining!"
And here's my response...it's in the complaining that I am grateful.
When I am upset about being thrown up on three times (which includes three changes of clothes, of course), I am grateful that my kid has an appetite, that we can feed him as much as he wants/needs, that I have clothes to change into, and a washing machine to wash the dirty ones.
When my baby can't (won't?) sleep, I am grateful that I am loved so much that this person doesn't want to close his eyes, for fear of missing me, the world, or learning something new.
When I can't get Mr. Wiggly Pants to sit still for a diaper change, I am grateful that Mr. Wiggly Pants wiggles, that he is active, engaged, and has the use of his limbs...even if I have to literally hold him down multiple times a day.
When my hubby and I exchange glazed over looks (it's not much of an exchange, I think we're just sleeping with our eyes open), I am grateful that there is a hubby to look at, that said hubby shares the ups and downs of parenthood, and that K has two crazy people to come to when he's had a rough day.
So I won't quit my complaining...because in that complaining hides this awesome life, that didn't turn out how I planned, but has awakened more inside of me than I thought was there...