Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Difference in the Night

One night I am tired, spent, reeling from the day
The next night I am calm, ready, excited to see your face
One night I am stressed out, afraid to hear your call
The next night, I leap at every sound you make, impatient to snuggle you
One night I am using all the 3am strength I have to calm you down, like a mental patient
The next night I am barely holding you, rocking you, singing your song softly to you as we drift to sleep
One night I am plotting the sale of our house, the abandonment of all that's good, and my escape
The next night I pull you into bed, to savor our embrace, knowing they are numbered
One night you struggle against me
The next night you only sleep by being near me
One night I am crying, pleading, angered
The next night I am grateful, pensive, accepting.

It's hard to believe that the difference is just 24 hours. That I feel like a monster one night, and the luckiest mama alive the next. One night every sacrifice is worse than torture and the next night I don't remember the word sacrifice...I only know the word grateful.

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