I admit it, it's a horrible title. I'll take suggestions. Sometimes titles are just not where I am at.
I started the decluttering process with my clothes today. I always harp on the papa about his clothes, but truthfully, we probably have about the same amount, I just categorically hide mine in boxes. :) Sneaky, huh?
Well, I know that I'm in my mid-thirties now and even though I am fully capable of losing my 15 extra "baby weight" pounds (previous methods were extreme, but simplified concepts can help), to be honest, it's not top of my priority list. Eating better, exercising, and feeling energetic ARE priorities, but I don't want to keep thinking of these boxes of clothes as my motivation. I want K to be my motivation. I want better sleep to be my motivation (consequently, better sleep is strongly linked to weight loss...duh!). I want long life to be my motivation.
So I opened the boxes, which have sizes 6-12 in them, and started trying things on. If you haven't known me long, you might think that I enjoy wearing shapeless, blah clothing, that hides my contours (as if you can't tell what shape I really am...) and allows me something of a "invisibility cloak" in public. As a new mom, with a less than ideal body shape (I'll take pear-shape or bigger busted or curvy or something easier to shop for, but being all of the body types lead me to wear sweats a lot), it's hard to look at past clothing and think I can ever be stylish again. But my style has nothing to do with my clothing choices right now. And just because a size 6 doesn't (and likely won't) fit, it doesn't mean I am destined to be style-less for the rest of my life just because I'm a mom now.
Part of that process involves me telling myself, "Screw it, I'm a beautiful mama with a few more lumps and rolls. I can wear this...because I don't really care anymore." Will the rolls go away? No. Do I really care anyway? Not really. I want to wear nice clothing and I don't want to have to be curve-less to do it. I see people all the time wearing clothes that I would feel self-conscious in, but when I wear my frumpy clothes, I don't get to escape self-consciousness...I just fool myself into thinking no one is looking. Ack!
Part of raising children isn't just handing them some nicely rounded up ideas of self-image, self-discipline, and self-confidence. They can't read at the time they are able to absorb this information from you. And no book will show them that their mama and their papa love themselves (and each other) no matter what size they are...so yikes! I'm teaching K, unintentionally, that unless I can look a certain way, I don't get to dress the way I feel. What a disservice! To all of us!
Yes, the boobs are bigger, the love handles are lovier, the belly shows my recent history, but those things are not meant to keep me trapped in boxy shirts and unrevealing clothes.
I am stylish. I can appreciate and care about style on others. I even have ideas for clothing (but man, the follow through is another demon) that I think would be amazing...and my size and shape are not my boundaries. While I can appreciate not trying to squeeze myself into clothes that don't fit, I absolutely can wear things that may not be originally designed for size 12 and higher, but that's just where I get to be creative and figure out how it can work for me.
I want K to see that style isn't dictated by magazines, despite our cultural bias that it does. I've seen plenty of handmade items that are AMAZING, crafted with care and love and an appropriate sizing chart. Yes, they are a bit pricier, but if you can't make it yourself, it's worth it to buy it from someone who can make it, and to really love how you look.
So I'm letting go of frumpy..it will take time to build my new mama wardrobe, but I am ready to look and feel attractive and to be proud of my amazing body.