No, this isn't a post about me struggling (yay!). It's a post about letting go of struggle. Because sometimes it seems that I live to struggle...that struggle becomes an obstacle course with a clear winner at the end...The Best Struggler!
But I wanted to write about letting go of struggle...of not really catering to my propensity to struggle.
Or maybe I just want to point out, for this moment, I'm not struggling. I am sleeping. I am eating. I see a few friends when I can manage it. I'm enjoying motherhood. I have read a few books and finished them and they were FICTION (note: I rarely read fiction, but I find that I am enjoying it at the moment).
I know that parenting is a practice in letting go, lowering expectations, and living in the present moment, and I also want to include that it doesn't have to be a struggle. Living in the present moment is really helpful when sometimes I want to live in the absolutes (never, always, etc)...K is sleeping now, which doesn't mean it won't change, but for now, it's working. It will change. It has changed. And in the present moment, I am enjoying it. But I don't have to hang out with the thought, "It'll never last!" (There's that 'never' I mentioned earlier). Of course it won't last, but right now it's good, and I want to say, I see you, good moment, and I can sit with that.
Sometimes I feel like I attract struggle to prove things: my strength, patience, ability, tolerance. But do I continue to need struggle to continue to "prove?" What if I just accept that I AM those things, and I don't need to struggle to offer proof to myself (or others)? Hmm. Interesting.
Okay, just wanted to share...